Sunday 30 December 2007

Reality Checks



Expectations can be such a dangerous thing. When one is looking forward to something...one must also be prepared to be let down or disappointed one time or another. Some have commented that I often have a pessimistic outlook of life. But I guess I'm somehow trying to soften the blow of a disappointment if things don't work out as I hoped it would be.

Be it a relationship, a promotion, a meeting or many more goings in my daily life. I often tell myself to take it easy and be ready for the worst. Still I can't say I don't feel the tinge disappointment and frustration when things happened at the other end of the scale. Some say I don't take too well to things that don't turn out well...but do I? Maybe.

I often too ask myself what happiness is? I'm not too sure myself. Often little things that makes me happy are somehow tie to being having some expectations.

Waking up to see your loved one next to you...a simple smile, a peck on the cheek and a lazy "Good Morning". Enjoying a good cup of coffee and toasts while reading morning papers leisurely on a weekday. Taking a deep breath of the cool morning air. Running a good run. Holding hands. Having late night supper despite knowing the evils of it.

Not too tall an order I suppose? Only simple things that will be able to bring a smile of contentment on my face. But then again...when one has expectations of little happiness like these, it does come with the disappointments when one cannot enjoy it.

Oh well...reality checks I suppose...

Friday 21 December 2007

色易守,情难防

一句:"快走",带出了她心里的爱恨纠缠。
也带出了一个人在面对爱情的...爱.恨.难。

Tuesday 18 December 2007

Vexed . Incompetence . Dejected

Received an interesting note from my senior management after urging the HR a couple of times over the last few months on my confirmation and pay adjustments which was 6 months overdue.
Dear Alex,

HR was brought to my attention that you have not been confirmed and we should rightly review your case.

Please make yourself available for a meeting between HR, you and I. We shall update XXX, your Operation Head, on the details finalized during our discussion.

Understand that the delay of your confirmation is partly due to YYY’s departure, your PM role expectation. We also want to take this opportunity to discuss about the intended plan of your PRD role next year.

Best regards
Vexed.
  1. YYY (my current boss) only tendered his resignation in October but I was due for confirmation in June...so what got his departure got to do with the delay?
  2. My PM role expectation. Was the delay due to my expectation of my role as the PM? Or was it that they think I did not meet their expectations as a PM?
Incompetence.

Just had lunch with my user last week and she made a comment. "Your company is famous for slipping the project schedule. The last PM had slipped the last project by a year! Thank goodness this time you only slipped a week."

Am I supposed to feel happy about the comment? I guess I should. Since taking up the project in March, step by step I try to solve the issues of hardware under specifications, incompatible in-house application software with the new proposed OS, near zero system administrator assistance, inexperience engineers over installation and network infrastructure or any system knowledge at all and buggy off-the-shelf software!!! Proposed deployment in end August but manage to deliver in 1st week of September. It was a great learning and hands-on (all by myself) experience for me no doubt but does the management see the efforts I put in? Incompetence? Was it really all me?

Two years in the row without any pay increment, bonus or even AWS since I left my 1st job while other's pocket just get fatter and coming with all sorts of reasons to adjust their own pay.

Time to move on...move on...

Feeling so so dejected.

Friday 14 December 2007

Carpe Diem

The heart may freeze or it can burn
The pain will ease if I can learn
There is no future
There is no past
I live this moment as my last
There's only us
There's only this
Forget regret
Or life is yours to miss
No other road
No other way
No day but today

- RENT

Saturday 1 December 2007

Runspiration 2007


Did my first Singapore Marathon Run...okay...I only ran 10km...but at least I fulfilled my resolution of 2007 and did my personal best of almost under 1 hr...damn 1h:00m:24s...need to shed that few seconds! arrgghh!!


Half Marathon next year or Full Marathon the year after? You bet! Resolution 2008 & 2009!! 8-)

Home coming

In memory of 5 ordinary men - Stephen, Jeremy, Reuben, Boon San and Wei Cheng, whom left behind an extraordinary legacy to people like me whom never got to know them
Pulang marilah pulang
Marilah pulang bersama-sama
May you guys rest in peace and be always in the hearts and memories of many.