Saturday 4 April 2009

Change

Being a human being is such a complex thing and sometimes I really do not know what a person should do. So much so for the last US presidential election where change is such a good thing. But in real life change may not be such a good thing after all.

I always ask myself if I should be who I am or should I change myself to suit into the society? Yes I'm quite an anti-social person (which I often use the word SHY to cover up). I don't like to make small talk, to be caught in a socializing situation with strangers, even picking up the phone to make that call. However, sometimes one cannot be living in the world of your own or just in the circle where we are comfortable with. 

Yes, I know that I complain lots about having to be caught in socializing situations I do no like to be in. At work, I hate to be caught in situation where I need to talk to the senior management, people who try too hard to sell themselves or credit monger, people whom I have a different frequency. But stop to look at them, sometimes these are people who influences your promotion, your bonus and your project progress and like it or not, your appraisal. So how now brown cow? Yeah, I have to don that fake smile and act to be sociable. People would say "Just be yourself!" but is being yourself as easy as you thought? It's your work at stake. Maybe some may say because I'm ambitious. But hey don't you complain about not getting that promotion or bonus when the time comes. Let's be realistic.  This is life. Be seen or be forgotten. Call me a hypocrite, but I guess this is the facts of life.

Ever find myself in a situation where I have no professional guidance to turn to for advice? May it be bank loans, legal or medical issues, or whatsoever? Being a closeted hermit myself. Being comfortable with not socializing can be a bane in life. Always feel myself handicapped in life because I have got no life line? Yes I know, why should I force myself into doing things I do not enjoy even after work? But I realize this it the facts of life. No pain no gain.

So should I continue to complain my CO do not know who I am up till the last day of my ICT. Should I still be brooding over the fact that the boss did not rank me fairly for my efforts. 

When I decide to take small steps of change, to open up my social circle. Instead of being encouraged, I get sniped. One may say I'm losing myself to the dark forces of ambitions. One may say I've changed to be not who they know anymore. One may say I care less of people around me who cares greatly of me.

So is change really a good thing? Or maybe change is not such a good thing afterall if I can't balance it.